Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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