You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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