I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
