no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
