Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
