Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
