how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
