Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
