She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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