You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
