I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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