is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
