found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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