Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
