It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
