I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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