Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
