We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
