I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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