Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
