ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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