How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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