I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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