she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
