he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
