I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize