I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
