there was a trapeze. enough said
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
