found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
