If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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