Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
