I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
