i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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