we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
