Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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