I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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