k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
