you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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