things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
