I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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