if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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