yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
