I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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