Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize