We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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