I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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