you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
