I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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