Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
