I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
