If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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