Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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