ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
