Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
