2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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