i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize