she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
