I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
