I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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