If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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