I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize