is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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