so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
