separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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