Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
