She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize