she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
